Lately I have been thinking about next steps. Next steps in trying to figure out what I am supposed to do with myself.

As is approach my mid-forties (yikes)  I know one thing. It’s that I don’t feel fulfilled. I don’t think that I am doing what I should be.  Most days I am not happy or even excited to start the day.

My problem is how do I get there. Never mind spending time analyzing how I got to where I am today. That has become a vicious circle that has left me worse off.

I realize that just can’t stop working and live out everything that is going on in my head. I can’t hope that I win the lottery tonight. I have to stop thinking about thinks from the past, that if I had turned left instead of right.

I know that soon I am going to have to change. Change the direction  that I am going. I think that I am going to have to do this one step at a time.

So over the next few weeks I am going to trying to find those things that bring me joy. That make me what to get up and do those things.  I need to find something that will become my “ side hustle” something that will get me out of this rut. I truly want to believe that change will be coming soon

As I sit here trying to come to terms with the fact that 2016 came and went in what seemed to be the fastest year ever, I look back and think about all things I never got around to.

First, this. Writing on my blog. Something that I have kept saying would happen every weekend, and look here I am. Its December 17th I am finally deciding to write.

Second, my makeup. The one thing I did was complete my Make-Up and Special Effects Certificate. I enjoyed every second of the course and absolutely love doing make up. However since I have a full time day job, I have let valuable time (and practice) get away for me. In 2017 that will have to change.

Third, making time for myself, going to yoga, not getting stressed and doing the things that I really love. All things that I have forgotten about in 2016. Hold on 2017 because I need to step it up.

Now everyone seems to feel that this year seems like a forgettable one. In fact they have entire memes about it. It wasn’t that I hated the year, I just really found nothing exciting about it, in fact at times it was down right depressing.

So look out 2017, I am back and I am (finally) on a mission. Too much time is being wasted and I don’t want to be here this time next year saying the same things.

Lets hope the best for everyone is around the corner.

xo

Lori

Last week was a tough week. It was a really sad week for me. I had to say goodbye to a family member. She was 16.

Sixteen years ago my parents told me they were getting a dog. A Shih Tzu they named Mikayla. I was not a fan of dogs. I didn’t want to pet them, I didn’t want them to jump on me and I didn’t want them waking me up in the morning. I was convinced that my parents were having some sort of mid life crisis. I was not looking forward to this new “family” member at all.

Then we met. She was all of 3lbs and could fit into my hands. We stared at each other and she won me over in about 5 min. Miki as she was going to called melted my heart. I now would come home just to see her. Within days she became the diva of the house. We did what she wanted. When she wanted to sleep she did, when she wanted to go for a walk she did, when she wanted to bark at the neighbourhood squires my father drove her around so show she could.

Mikayla didn’t act like most dogs, she slept on pillows, not a dog bed. She only ate the best dog food, specially bought for her at the vets and it was severed on a plate, never a dog bowl. She wouldn’t have any of that nonsense. People made her customized one of kind dog coats and everyone knew her name on the street. She would try and kick guests out of the house when she grew tired of them. Really this is a thing she used to do. If you were in the house after 7:30, look out Miki would be at your feet telling you to go.

She grew to be a whole 8lbs but had the attitude of an 80lbs dog. Over the last year she started to slow down. Her hearing and sight had diminished and so did her appetite, but not her personality. I thought we had still had time with her.

I was visiting last weekend and she was slow, she slept most of time, but still knew I was home.

On Tuesday I got message from mom, Miki hadn’t been eating and had a rough night. They were taking her to the vet to see what to do. But I knew what they were going to do. It was that cold and and rainy morning that we all said goodbye to my little Miki.

Thank you Miki for everything that you gave us. I will miss you forever.

I can’t believe my last post was so long ago, lots has been happening since the September. I am still on my job hunt and looking to see what my future holds. It has been a year since I lost my job and with the exception of a few months in between its been tough.

One thing I decided to do was go back to night school and take something for me. Not something that I felt would help me in the career I was in, but something that I have always wanted to learn that could possible lead to a new career.

In December I decided to enroll into the Special Effects Make -Up program at Ryerson University. Its 2 nights a week from January to September (and no I haven’t seen Face Off, but I will) I have made burns, worked with latex and currently trying to make a moustache with real hair. I am looking forward to see what opportunities that brings. I am also happy that I was able to tell my Grandma that I was taking this in the hospital before she passed.

I am hoping that with the spring coming I will be able to get out of this funk that I have been in since my birthday in November. Which is one of the reasons that I haven’t blogged at all. I had no energy, but as I look out my window as I write this I see the sun is finally out. Tons of people are out walking, although that probably has to do with the subway being shut down.

Plus Madonna is coming in October, so that gives me something to look forward to.

L

One of the things that I have wanted to do this year is go out of my comfort zone. It started in January when I decided to “try out” for a chance to dance with Madonna. I didn’t make it to the final, but I gained new friends and discovered the joys of cardio dance. So it seemed like the obvious next step when my gym Hard Candy in Toronto offered a 8-week Dance workshop for its members. I was in yet another transition period of my life, so I figured why not!

The 8 Dance Workshops that I was about to embark on!

I was not sure what to expect, but I was not only was it a great workout, it was probably more fun than I have ever had at the gym. Did I look ridiculous – absolutely, but never once did I revet doing these classes. Prior to this I have never heard of Wacking or never thought that I would be taking a Dancehall class, but here I was. I was only sad knowing that after this Sunday they were all done.

The instructors are professional dancers in the Toronto community,along with being HCFT instructors  and they could have not been better to learn from. It was also great to lean that these workshops will hopefully be added to the regular class schedule.

Out of all 8 workshops Dancehall and Wacking were my favourites. The 90 minutes flew by and I didn’t even realize that I had been working out.  I never would have thought that would be doing this, but it has been a fantastic experience.

As I am writing this I keep wondering what my next activity is I should try. I mean if I could attempt Burlesque I could try anything. It’s all about steeping out of your comfort zone and try something new!

About to start.1st class of 8 Dance workshops

They say you never know how things can change in a minute. Well that happened to me last week. Last week I had just come back from a great vacation in Las Vegas. I will talk more about that later. My week was going along as they usually do, until Wednesday. Wednesday at 9:05am to be exact. That was when I found out that my job was being “eliminated”

It is “numbers” Lori. It”s not personal Lori. We are taking things in a different direction Lori. That is what was said to me.

I have been through losing my job before, it is now unfortunately become the norm for my generation and the current workplace. Its never personal, they say, its usually never about your abilities they say. It always about protecting the bottom line. We have to let people go because if we don’t the entire company is in turmoil.

Personally the only turmoil I have ever seen are those employees they value so highly trying to figure out how to pay their mortgage, put their child through university or how they are going to find a job that will pay them to retirement. The turmoil I have seen are fairly healthy individuals being forced to use medication for normal human functions like sleeping because they are doing the work of 4 people for any company X that will cut them loose without a blink of an eye.

I have seen people trying to figure out how to pay their taxes to a government that only has made it harder from them to collect benefits, makes them feel like they are in the wrong. The same government that is creating no new jobs for educated and talented people. Yet handing out tax breaks for those companies so god forbid they go into turmoil.

As I begin my search for a new job, I am one of the lucky ones. I have a great group of contact and friends that I have made who understand this world of employment. I have a family that will help out if I need help both financially and mentally. I have a condo that is almost paid off, but most importantly I have a belief that everything happens for a reason and that maybe I need to really look at whats gives me joy.

When anyone asks me what my dream job would be, I was say that I wish I could be a talk show host. As unlikely as that is at my age, that was one reason why I start and keep starting this blog. Work was what always got in my way. So as I look for this next strp in my life I am truly going to make an effort to focus on what I love, because that is want people to remember when they think about me.

Chat soon
Lori

I’m a little late to get to my goals for 2014, but better late than never. 2014 is going to be an interesting year for me for one main reason. This is the year that I turn 40. Yes 40. The age in public school I thought was old and ancient. The age that I thought was over the hill, whatever that means.

I certainly don’t feel forty and god knows I don’t act it, but it is now less than 300 days away.
So what are my goal for this milestone age? I am writing this as I am heading to Montreal for work so I have the time to write.

One thing I want to do is bite the bullet and get a fitness trainer. I am going to give it 6 months ( so July will either will be a great month or a summer that I won’t speak of). I have wanted to it for awhile now, but have always found an excuse not too. I have recently joined a new gym in Toronto, Hard Candy Fitness. Yes the Madonna gym, blah blah. (Sorry Goodlife) I will talk more about this fabulous gym in later posts.

Another thing I wanted to do this year was do something out of my comfort zone. I fist foray into this is going to happen on January 30th. (if I right it, I have to do it) I am going to audition for a chance to workout with the Queen herself – Madonna. Do I really think that I have a chance? Probably not, but I have a better chance than if I didn’t do it all.

Its to learn the routine from her Addicted to Sweat cardio dance class. So far I have learned to things, dancing is harder than it looks and the flashdance spins are brutal on my knee. So brutal that on Sunday, I didn’t think I could walk.

The other main goal is do things that I want to do, say what I want to say, even if it is not want people want to hear. It sounds like a minor thing, but its much harder then it sounds.

So I am going to do whatever it takes to make this year 2014, faboulous.